TPCDivorceCare

Week 13 Meeting

2011-08-09T17:45:00.001-04:00

Don't forget that we will be meeting in a different location this coming Thursday. We'll be in the Media Center on the second floor. Signs will be posted.

Next DivorceCare Session

2011-08-07T09:42:00.003-04:00

A thirteen week series of DivorceCare will begin on September 13th at 6:45 PM at Chapel Hill Bible Church. Contact Donna Coston (donna@biblechurch.org) for registration and additional information.

Week 13 Meeting Room Change

2011-08-07T09:19:00.004-04:00

Thursday, August 11 the group will meet in the Media Center at Triangle Presbyterian Church, rather than Room 100.

Don't forget we'll have a 14th week of DivorceCare when we will view the Tony Evans video - Successful Singlehood.

Week 13 - Moving On, Growing Closer to God

2011-08-04T07:33:00.000-04:00

How can God produce something good out of something as bad as divorce? This segment will show you how to grow closer to God as you go through your divorce experience.

Week 13: Moving On, Growing Closer to God

Think back to your first DivorceCare session. How were you feeling then? Have you seen any progress in your emotional state? We hope you are beginning to sense God’s healing in your life.

You will probably be on the road to healing for a while longer. It can take months or even years to deal with the loss, hurt and anger of divorce. Don’t be discouraged by the time it takes. By using this time to grow closer to God, you’ll find a new richness and peace inside of you. You’ll also begin to see Him lay out His purpose and plans for your future (remember Jeremiah 29:11?).

In this week’s On My Own we want to give you some verses to take with you on your road to healing. You might even want to mark some of these in your Bible so you can find them again if you need encouragement.

Day 1 — But my heart is still broken

You probably still hurt deeply from the loss of a mate and the breakup of your marriage. It will take a while for that pain to go away (remember the concept of “one flesh” ripping away, leaving gaping emotional wounds?).

But in your hurt, remember God’s promises:

Read Psalm 34:18. How does God feel about people with broken hearts?

Read Psalm 147:3. What does God do for people with broken hearts?

Read Jeremiah 29:13. How do you find God and His healing?

Day 2 — But I need someone to love me

A great emotional void is left behind when you lose a mate. Your first reaction is often to find another person to fill that spot, and such a relationship can hurt you.

We hope you are coming to the place of understanding that God’s love can fill that void and meet your needs.

Read Ephesians 3:16–19. How is God’s love for you measured? (verses 18–19)

Are there any gaps or deficiencies in His love? (verse 18)

What is the key to having God’s love in your life? (verse 17)

Do you have Christ in your heart?

Day 3 — But I need some hope

You may still be having days (or weeks) when you don’t see any hope for the future. These verses are good ones to go back to when you are feeling hopeless.

Read Ephesians 1:18–19. What is promised in verse 18?

Who is this hope and power for? (verse 19)

Read Psalm 43:5. When this writer is discouraged, where does he put his hope?

What is the nature of this person’s relationship with God?

Read Psalm 33:20. What is the effect when you hope in the Lord?

Day 4 — But I don’t feel like I’m worth much

It’s pretty normal to feel like you’re not worth much if you’ve been rejected by another person. It helps to understand how God sees you.

Read Psalm 139:13–14. Who made you? (verse 13)

How well are you made? (verse 14)

Read Psalm 145:17–19. How does God treat what He has made? (verse 17)

What does God ask of you? (verses 18–19)

Day 5 — But I don’t want to be hurt again

Maybe trusting God with your heart is hard to do because you don’t want to be hurt again. Can God be trusted?

Read Romans 8:37–39. What can come between you and God?

Through whom does God channel His love for you? (verse 39)

Read Romans 6:23. How long will God love you?

What is the alternative?

Read 1 Peter 2:24–25. These verses are talking about Jesus Christ. What did He do for you? (verse 24)

What is the effect? (verse 24)

What place can He take in your life?

Read Romans 10:9. How can you have the presence of Jesus Christ in your life?

Read Romans 15:13. What happens when you put your trust in Him?

Week 12 - Reconciliation

2011-07-27T07:35:00.000-04:00

Reconciliation is one of the most misunderstood aspects of the divorce healing process. You’ll learn that reconciliation can happen even if your marriage is not restored and why it’s important to pursue reconciliation.

Week 12: Reconciliation

Reconciliation is a difficult concept to consider because you may be afraid of being hurt again by the same person. That’s a natural reaction after experiencing the pain of a separation or divorce.

If you feel like you don’t have the strength to pursue reconciliation on your own, consider asking God to help you with the process. As you’ll see in this week’s On My Own, God wants you to pursue reconciliation. It makes sense that He would help you as you try!

Day 1 — Why should I even think about reconciliation?

Even when you’ve been hurt deeply by other people, the Lord wants you to reconcile damaged relationships, including a failed marriage. In fact, He expects you to take the initiative in seeking reconciliation.

Read Matthew 18:15–17. These verses are directions from Jesus on the way to confront someone who has done something wrong to you. The goal of this process is restoration of the relationship.

Who is to take the initiative in this process?

What is the first step? (verse 15)

What comes next? (verse 16)

What is the third step? (verse 17)

Read Matthew 5:23–25. This passage begins by giving advice to a person who is giving a gift to the Lord. What should occur before the gift is given? (verse 24)

This verse suggests that your relationship and fellowship with God can be hindered if there is a problem in your relationship with another person.

Will God hold you accountable if you attempt to reconcile and the other person is unwilling?

Day 2 — What shape am I in?

It’s often easy to spot the sins of the other person during a divorce. If there is an affair or abuse involved, the responsibility for the failure of the marriage may be clear-cut. But it’s also true that fault-finding and establishing blame can hinder reconciliation. Both parties should accept responsibility for their mistakes and demonstrate mutual forgiveness.

Read Matthew 7:3–5. What should occur before you confront the faults of someone else? (verse 5)

Read Matthew 18:21–22. Reconciliation will probably require forgiveness by both people. How much forgiveness is appropriate?

In what ways have you accepted responsibility for your mistakes and demonstrated forgiveness?

Day 3 — Being receptive to reconciliation

There is a possibility your husband or wife may return to the “line of reconciliation.” If that happens, how should you respond?

Read Luke 15:11–24. This story, sometimes called the story of the “prodigal son,” describes the reconciliation of a father and his rebellious son. What was the father’s reaction when he saw his son returning home? (verse 20)

What was the attitude of the son? (verse 21)

The son had hoped to be taken in as a servant. What actually happened? (verses 22–24)

The son is often described as having a “repentant” heart. Can reconciliation work if there is no repentance for the wrongs done in a marriage?

Day 4 — Initiating reconciliation

It is important for you to remain open to efforts of reconciliation by the other person. You also need to be responsive to God if He leads you to initiate reconciliation.

Read Hosea 3:1–3. The entire book of Hosea is a picture of God’s love for the nation of Israel and His desire to reconcile with the people of Israel, despite the fact that they had been “unfaithful” to Him by worshiping other gods. God asked Hosea, a prophet, to give an example of this kind of love.

Who initiated the reconciliation between Hosea and his wife?

What lifestyle was his wife leading at the time?

Day 5 — The ultimate separation and reconciliation

The Bible says that you are separated from God because of your sins, but that Jesus Christ can reconcile that relationship.

Read Isaiah 59:2. What is your condition?

Read Romans 5:8–11. What shape are you in? ( verse 8 )

What did Christ do for you? ( verse 8 )

What is the effect? ( verse 9–11 )

Week 11 - Forgiveness

2011-07-14T07:36:00.002-04:00

The hurt that comes with divorce is a barrier that prevents many people from forgiving their former spouse. This seminar shows you why forgiveness is important and how you can begin the process of forgiving.

Week 11: Forgiveness

There is no denying that forgiveness is a difficult thing to deal with. It’s hard to forgive someone who has hurt you so deeply. But most people who have been successful in forgiving will tell you it’s worth the effort. Spend time this week finding out what the Bible says about forgiveness.

Day 1 — Why do I have to forgive my “ex”?

You may be so angry or hurt by what your former spouse has done that you might not feel like forgiving him or her. Forgiveness is not a feeling. It’s something God expects you to do.

Read Ephesians 4:31–32. What do you need to get rid of? (verse 31)

What else do you need to do? (verse 32)

Read Colossians 3:12–13. What do these verses suggest?

Do you deserve God’s forgiveness? Why or why not?

Why is it hard to forgive your former spouse?

Day 2 — But I’m being attacked!

Divorce can be an adversarial process. It may seem like your spouse has become “the enemy” and that you are under attack. Today’s verses will be helpful if you find yourself in that situation.

Read Romans 12:19–20. How are you supposed to respond to your “enemy”?

What does this achieve?

Read Matthew 5:44. How might you pray for your spouse?

Read Proverbs 16:7. This verse says that your “enemies” can live at peace with you.How can this happen?

Is your husband or wife really an “enemy”?

Day 3 — If I haven’t forgiven

When you don’t forgive, you must live with the consequences of your unforgiveness. Unforgiveness leads to bitterness and can even affect your health. More significantly, it can affect your relationship with God.

Read Matthew 6:14–15. What effect can unforgiveness have on your life?

Read Psalm 66:18. How can unforgiveness affect your prayers?

What specifically are you refusing to forgive your former spouse for?

Day 4 — Forgiveness breakthrough

Letting go of your “right” to restitution or revenge is one key step in reaching the point of forgiveness. It allows you to move your attention from the past to what lies ahead of you.

Read Philippians 3:13–14. In verse 13, Paul is talking about his past.What is his attitude toward it?

While not fully forgetting it, Paul considers the matters “done and settled.” What is his focus and goal now?

Read Isaiah 43:25. What does God do once He forgives you?

Why should you forgive your former spouse?

Day 5 — Forgiveness: square one

It’s hard to forgive someone else if you have never experienced God’s forgiveness. We have all done wrong things (Romans 3:23 says “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”).

If you have never received God’s forgiveness or if it’s been a while since you asked Him to forgive you, then it’s important to seek His forgiveness in your life before attempting to forgive someone else.

Read 1 John 1:9. What must you do to receive God’s forgiveness?

If you do this, what will He do?

Read Ephesians 4:32. What is the source of your forgiveness from God?

Read Romans 10:9. How can you have a relationship with Jesus?

Read Romans 6:23. What are you being saved from?

Week 10 - Single Sexuality

2011-06-30T07:39:00.002-04:00

How do you deal with your sexuality after divorce? This important session will help you understand sexuality from God’s perspective and see that it is possible to be single again and satisfied.

Week 10: Single Sexuality
Sex is a strong desire, inside and outside of marriage. Now that you are single again, how do you deal with your sexuality? What do you do with your desires and the opportunities for sexual expression that come your way?

This week’s On My Own will help you understand sexuality from God’s perspective and will show you how you can be single again and satisfied.

Day 1 — I have needs
When life is lousy, sometimes having sex seems like a good idea. You may be thinking, if not sex, then what else?

Read Ephesians 1:18–19, 22–23. What does God have for you that is far deeper and more lasting than the temporary rush of sex outside of marriage?

What does verse 23 say about God’s ability to fulfill your deepest longings?

Why do you think it’s not a good idea for you to give in to your sexual urges?

Day 2 — I want what’s best

God designed sexual pleasure to be expressed and enjoyed within the bonds of marriage. His design and His limits are for your ultimate good.

According to 1 Thessalonians 4:3–5, 7, what is God’s will for you regarding your sexuality?

Many people think sex is just a physical act that you can walk away from unharmed. That is not true. When two people have a sexual union, God supernaturally bonds them together.

1 Corinthians 6:16-17 explains it this way:

There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” (Msg)

After reading the Bible verses and watching this past week’s DVD session, how has your understanding of sex changed?

Day 3 — Help, I’m being tempted!

Think of a time when you went further than you had wanted to sexually. What excuses or rationalizations did you give yourself?

How does Proverbs 6:27–28 apply to your struggles with sexual temptation?

According to 1 John 4:4, how is it possible to keep yourself from having sex outside of marriage?

Day 4 — Warning—danger!

Having sex outside of marriage results in serious consequences, but you do not need to be a victim of these dangers. Through Christ, you can overcome sexual temptation.

According to Romans 13:12–14, how can you keep yourself from giving in to the desire for sex?

Prayer works as a preventive measure, as a protective cloak around your heart, mind and body when sexual temptation arises. Write out 1 Thessalonians 5:23 as a personal prayer, substituting “me” every time it says “you.”

Day 5 — I need a plan to stay pure

It is important to establish a plan ahead of time to resist sexual temptation.

Read 1 Corinthians 6:18–20. What should you do if you find yourself becoming sexually aroused—whether you are out on a date, watching television or surfing the Net?

If you have invited Christ to be Lord of your life, you do not have to face sexual temptation alone. Whom has God sent to live within you? (verse 19)

How does having the Spirit in you affect the way you deal with temptation?

How can you “honor God with your body”? (verse 20)

Week 9 - KidCare

2011-06-23T07:39:00.002-04:00

This video seminar helps you understand the effects of divorce on your children and offers practical suggestions for being an effective single parent. You’ll also learn how your children are processing the divorce and how you can help in their healing.

Week 9: KidCare
At times being a single parent seems to be an impossible job, especially when you are emotionally drained by the process of separation or divorce.

How can you survive? How can you help your children recover from their hurt? Is there any help available?

Even if you don’t have children, you will find this material to be strengthening and encouraging.

Day 1 — I need some rest
Maybe right now you are physically and emotionally exhausted, with no energy left to function, let alone parent. God promises help in times like these.

Read Matthew 11:28–30. What does God promise?

What is the key to claiming this promise?

Read Isaiah 40:29–31. How does God help the weary?

What do you need to do to receive God’s help? (verse 31)

Day 2 — Where do I get strength?

Read Deuteronomy 31:6. What is the source of strength described in this verse?

What is God’s promise?

Read Ephesians 6:10. What does this verse tell you to do?

What does “in the Lord” mean?

Read John 14:6. How do you receive God’s strength and protection?

Day 3 — What are my children learning from me?

Your children absorb much as they observe you. Be assured that they are watching and learning from both parents throughout the divorce process.

Read Deuteronomy 11:18–21. God wants you to place God’s Word (the Bible) in your heart and mind. He asks you to teach His Word to your children.

How are you to do this? (verses 18–19)

When are you to do this? (verse 19)

What is the effect? (verse 21)

Day 4 — What kind of home do I have?

Can a single parent home be a place where a child can grow and thrive? Can your child turn out well despite the obstacles and limitations?

Read Proverbs 14:26. What kind of home is described here?

What is the key to having a home like this?

To fear the Lord does not mean to be afraid of Him; rather, it means to honor and reverence Him, knowing that He is the almighty, powerful God.

Read Proverbs 20:7. What kind of person is described here?

What happens to this person’s children?

You cannot become righteous by trying hard to be a good person. Righteousness comes when you surrender your life to Christ and walk in His forgiveness and under His guidance.

Day 5 — I need wisdom to raise my children

There are no books, seminars or sources of advice that can fully prepare you for parenthood. Being a single parent takes an extra dose of wisdom. Where can you find such wisdom?

Read Proverbs 2:1–11. These proverbs promise wisdom from God. What is your part in receiving wisdom from God? (verses 1–4)

What are some of the effects of having wisdom in your life? (verses 5–11)

Week 8 - Financial Survival

2011-06-16T07:41:00.002-04:00

Most people are stretched financially during divorce. This video segment offers you practical help on how to survive and ways to deal with the many money issues that you’ll face during and after divorce.

Week 8: Financial Survival

You might be surprised to learn that money is one of the most talked-about subjects in the Bible. The Bible has many helpful suggestions for people who face the financial pressures of divorce.

Day 1 — Where will the money come from?

Sometimes in divorce your financial needs are so great that the situation looks hopeless. It may seem impossible to meet even the basic needs of life. Right now you might be asking, “How will I make it?” Look at the verses below. You’ll see that resources are available!

Read Philippians 4:19. How does this verse describe God’s resources?

What percentage of my needs can God supply?

Read Isaiah 58:11. What promise does this verse make?

Day 2 — How do I tap these resources?

God is creative in the way He meets your needs, so we cannot give you an exact formula or process to follow. The verses below provide a picture of where to begin.

Read James 4:2. What’s the first step? Have you done this yet?

Read Matthew 6:25–31. To what level of detail is God concerned about your particular circumstances?

What does God ask you to do? (verses 33–34)

In what ways are you doing this?

Day 3 — How do I ask God for help?

It’s easy. He simply wants you to talk to Him and tell Him your needs.

Read Philippians 4:6–7. How are you supposed to approach God? (verse 6)

What will happen? (verse 7)

Read Matthew 7:7–11. What do you have to do to receive God’s “good gifts”?

Day 4 — Making my needs known

We encourage you to make your needs known to people around you. Doing this might be difficult or even a little embarrassing for you. But remember, God often uses other people to help meet your needs.

Read 2 Corinthians 8:14. What principle is at work in this verse?

Notice that God may someday use your “plenty” to help someone else!

Is there some way (perhaps non-financial) you could reach out to help someone? How?

According to Luke 6:38, what happens when you give your time, energy or other resources to help someone?

Day 5 — Am I in the kingdom?

By its nature, a kingdom is a place with many riches. Matthew 6:33 says God will meet your needs after you seek His kingdom and His righteousness.

Read John 3:3. How do you enter the kingdom of God?

The phrase “born again” is sometimes used to describe the process of surrendering your life to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Romans 10:9–10 says that Jesus “saves” you from your sins, allowing you to enter God’s kingdom. What do you have to do to be saved by Jesus? (verse 9)

Week 7 - New Relationships

2011-06-09T07:41:00.002-04:00

The loneliness that comes with divorce will put you at risk when making decisions about new relationships. This session helps you determine whether you are ready for a new relationship and how to get it off on the right foot if you are.

Week 7: New Relationships

The loss of a mate through separation and divorce creates many gaps in your life. It’s hard to adjust to the loss of companionship, love and security that are a key part of marriage. This week, you’ll look at some ways to meet these needs and to fill the gaps in your life.

Day 1 — I need someone to love me

One of the strongest needs anyone has is the need to feel loved. After divorce, it’s natural to feel rejected instead of loved.

Read Psalm 52:8. How permanent is God’s love?

What is the effect of His love?

Read Romans 5:8. How much does God love you?

Read Romans 8:38–39. Will God ever divorce you?

Read Isaiah 54:5–6. Can God fill the void left by your mate?

Day 2 — I need someone to hold me

It’s tempting to quickly replace the physical intimacy of marriage with a new relationship. There are many risks in doing so. Is there any other way to meet this need?

Read Isaiah 41:13. What will God do for you?

How can you hold God’s hand?

Read Deuteronomy 11:22. This verse suggests you “hold fast” to the Lord.What else does it suggest?

When you feel the need to be held, whom do you turn to?

If you don’t feel you are holding on to the Lord right now, take a look at the Foundation for Healing section on how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. That’s the first step in entering the security of God’s loving arms.

Day 3 — I need someone to protect me

There can be real security in a marriage relationship for both the husband and wife. When the marriage ends, both people can feel vulnerable and unprotected. Today you’ll look at the kind of protection that can never be taken from you.

What fears or insecurities do you have?

Read Psalm 121:7. What does God promise?

Read Psalm 12:5. Do you need to worry about not being strong enough to take care of yourself? Why not?

Read Psalm 91:9–10. What do you need to do to receive God’s protection?

Day 4 — I need someone to meet my needs

What needs do you have?

Read 2 Corinthians 9:8. What does God promise?

Read John 6:35. God promises not only to provide for your physical needs, but also your emotional and spiritual needs. What do you have to do to receive this provision?

Day 5 — I need someone to comfort me

A mate can be a great comfort during difficult times. When your mate is gone, where do you turn to find that kind of comfort?

Read Isaiah 66:13. What kind of comfort does a mother give a child?

How could that kind of comfort help you right now?

Read Psalm 119:76. Will God run out of love or comfort?

Read 2 Corinthians 1:3–5. What is the source of your comfort? (verse 3)

What is your responsibility once you have received God’s comfort? (verse 4)

Week 6 - What Does The Owner's Manual Say?

2011-06-02T07:42:00.002-04:00

This video seminar explores real-world answers from the Bible on issues related to separation, divorce and remarriage, presented in an easily understandable format.

Week 6: What Does The Owner’s Manual Say?

It’s amazing how relevant the Bible can be to the problems you face today. By applying the guidance provided in its pages, you can deal with tough situations the way God would have you respond. When you respond in a way that pleases God, you will naturally draw into a closer relationship with Him and gain a better understanding of His will for your life.

Day 1 — Who wrote the owner’s manual?

While it’s true that the Bible was written by many authors, it’s also true that they shared a common thread—God’s direct and divine inspiration.

Read 2 Timothy 3:16–17. What do you think “God-breathed” means?

What should you use the Bible (Scripture) for?

Read Psalm 119:11. What did the person writing this verse do with God’s “Word” (another name for the Bible/Scripture)?

What are the benefits of hiding God's Word in your heart?

Name some ways that you can hide God’s Word in your heart.

Day 2 — What effect can reading the “manual” have in my life?

The Bible is a powerful book, capable of changing your life, guiding you through difficult times and helping you better understand who God is.

Read Hebrews 4:12. What does this verse mean when it describes God’s Word as “living and active”?

What effect can it have on your life and the lives of others?

Read Psalm 119:105. How can God’s Word help you?

Read 2 Samuel 22:31. How is God’s way different from your way?

Day 3 — The reason divorce hurts so much

Getting married is often symbolized by the wedding itself. Weddings are often a flurry of activity, involving many people and a myriad of details. And while a wedding ceremony and celebration is important, it helps to look at marriage from God’s vantage point. You’ll see that it involves much more than the wedding event.

Read Genesis 2:23–24. What is the nature of the union with your former spouse?

Read Ephesians 5:28–33. How complete is this “merger” with the other person?

Read Matthew 19:6. What is God’s role in the marriage?

What warning does this verse contain?

Day 4 — What does God think of divorced people?

You may encounter people who relegate you to a “second class” status because of your divorce. Does God do this as well? What if you just now realize you have sinned by originating the divorce for the wrong reasons?

Read 1 John 3:1. Describe how much God loves you—regardless of whether you are separated or divorced.

Read 1 John 1:9. Through Christ, God can forgive all sins. Do you see any exceptions (sins that cannot be forgiven) in this verse?

Read Hebrews 8:12. After God has forgiven your sins, how long does He remember them?

If you realize you have sinned by originating the divorce for the wrong reasons, what should you do first?

Day 5 — Making sure I am forgiven

Carrying the weight of unforgiven sin can be an almost unbearable burden. If you have done wrong and need release, God can take away the load you are carrying.

Read Colossians 2:13. What effect does sin have in your life?

What does God offer instead?

Read Romans 6:23. Here’s another description of the effect of sin in your life. What is it?

What is God’s gift to you if you confess your sins and surrender your life to Jesus Christ?

Week 5 - Facing My Loneliness

2011-05-26T07:43:00.002-04:00

After divorce, many people respond to their loneliness in ways that will cause them even deeper pain. This segment explores healthy ways to overcome the loneliness that will inevitably arise during your separation or divorce.

Week 5: Facing My Loneliness

There is no denying the loneliness that comes with separation and divorce. The void left by your husband or wife is real, a painful reminder of the depth of the marriage relationship.

While the loneliness may feel unbearable at times, it can be something that draws you closer to God, to His presence in your life. And when He is living within you, you can find permanent healing from the pain of loneliness.

Again this week, try to find a special time each day to spend reading your Bible. Ask God to guide you as you read.

Day 1 — Does anyone understand how lonely I am?

Until you go through it yourself, the loneliness of divorce is hard to understand. As you look at the verses below, you will begin to see that Jesus experienced painful loneliness while He was on earth. Because He did, He understands how you feel right now.

Read the following verses. How do you think Jesus was feeling during these times?

Matthew 26:47–50

Matthew 26:69–75

Matthew 27:45–46

In the days before Jesus was crucified, it seemed like all of His earthly friends had abandoned Him. After He died, it was necessary for Jesus to be separated even from God for three days to be reunited with His Father at the resurrection. Those three days must represent the deepest loneliness in history.

Read Isaiah 43:2–3. Who is always with you (after you have given Him control of your life)?

Day 2 — The loneliness of unraveled families

The strong bonds of marriage and family relationships make the pain of divorce especially deep. It is difficult for you to deal with the loss of a mate. If you have children, they are hurting from the loss of a parent. As you’ll see from these verses, God cares about people who hurt in this way.

Read Psalm 68:6. Does this verse necessarily refer to remarriage? How else might God set you in a family?

Read Psalm 27:10. Is the Lord’s comfort enough to overcome the loss of a parent or spouse?

If you answered “no” or if you are not sure, why do you feel that way?

Read Psalm 68:5. How might God achieve this in your family?

Why not pray to Him right now, claiming the promise you read in Psalm 68:5?

Day 3 — Filling my void

You might be searching for a new relationship to help eliminate your loneliness. While a new relationship may help for a short time, it will only delay your healing and may add to your pain. The verses below offer suggestions for other ways to overcome your loneliness.

Read James 4:8. What is your responsibility?

What will God do as a result?

Read Psalm 147:3, 6, 11. What happens when you draw near to God?

Read Ephesians 3:16–19. What happens when Christ “dwells in your heart”?

Does Christ dwell in your heart?

If He does not, explain how His absence could be contributing to your loneliness. (verse 19)

Day 4 — But what if He leaves me too?

If you’ve been left by another person, it’s hard to trust any new relationships. You may even be wondering if you can trust God. Psalm 139 is God’s promise that He can be trusted.

Read Psalm 139:1–10. How well does God understand you? (verses 2–4)

Is it possible for you to hide from God or for Him to lose you? (verses 7–10)

What does God do for you? (verse 10)

Day 5 — Loneliness antidote

One way to overcome loneliness is to begin to reach out and help others who are hurting (perhaps even worse than you are!). The Bible says this can have a positive effect on your life.

Read Isaiah 58:7–11. What is your role? (verses 7, 9–10)

What is the effect? (verses 8–11)

Write down names of people you could reach out to and help. Next to the names, write ideas of how you could help them.

A gentle reminder: It’s best at this point to reach out and develop same-sex relationships, even when ministering to others.

Week 4 - Facing My Depression

2011-05-19T07:44:00.002-04:00

Depression can be a paralyzing emotion as you go through divorce. Even so, it can also be a “healing emotion,” and this video seminar explores constructive responses you can employ to deal with depression.

Week 4: Facing My Depression

It is possible to become so depressed you cannot function. Can you find help in the Bible on how to deal with depression? Does the Bible even talk about depression? Let’s take a look.

Day 1 — Did Jesus get depressed?

The Bible says Jesus was human and experienced the kinds of feelings and temptations you do.

Read Matthew 26:36–39. Jesus knew He would soon be killed, and He went to a place where He could pray. Describe how Jesus was feeling. (verses 37–38)

What did Jesus do in response to those feelings? (verse 39)

Read Isaiah 41:10–13. What is God’s response when you reach out to Him?

If you are experiencing depression and would like daily encouragement, consider signing up for our One Day At A Time Daily emails. These emails coincide with the DivorceCare curriculum and include a series of devotions on how to truly experience God’s comfort and healing through separation and divorce.

Day 2 — Paul’s dark days

The apostle Paul devoted the last years of his life to traveling to tell others about Christ. In that process, he encountered some extremely difficult and depressing circumstances.

Read 2 Corinthians 1:8–11. How would you describe Paul’s emotional condition?

What did Paul learn from these circumstances? (verses 9–11)

What did God do? (verse 10)

Did Paul have any help in getting through these circumstances? (verse 11)

Day 3 — Comfort for depression: Where does it come from?

As much as he was suffering, Paul still understood that God could and would use the depression and difficult circumstances in his life and in the lives of others.

Read 2 Corinthians 1:3–5. Who is the source of all comfort? (verse 3)

What is God’s purpose in comforting you? (verse 4)

What role does Jesus have in your comfort? (verse 5)

Describe a time you have offered God’s comfort to someone else.

Think of someone you can encourage this week.

Day 4 — Adding up my losses

Depression after divorce is a natural and healthy reaction to the losses you have experienced. As you look to God to help you heal, He will help you put your losses in perspective.

Read Luke 12:22–31. What can you accomplish by worrying? (verses 25–26)

What worries are you struggling with today?

How do you know that God is capable of making up for your losses and meeting your needs? (verses 24, 27–28)

What is your responsibility? (verse 31)

Day 5 — What have I really lost?

There is no doubt that the losses of divorce are extremely painful. But no matter how much you’ve lost or have suffered, there is one thing that cannot be taken away from you.

Make a list of some of your losses from the separation or divorce. This list can include possessions, relationships, jobs and responsibilities. (Also, besides losing a mate, you may have lost your primary breadwinner, your cook, your mechanic, your confidant, your dreams for the future, etc.)

Read Philippians 3:7–8. Paul wrote these verses, which describe the losses and gains in his life. What is most important to Paul? (verse 8 )

How does he value everything else? (verses 7–8 )

List some things you place value on in your day-to-day life. (Besides possessions, people and your job, you might also value non-tangible items like working hard, being liked by people, maintaining a happy exterior, having prestige in the workplace.)

Welcome

2011-05-05T20:58:00.001-04:00

Glad you could make it this evening, and I look forward to joining you each week for the next 13 weeks.

Week 2 - The Road to Healing/Finding Help

2011-05-05T07:46:00.002-04:00

This video segment helps you begin to identify the many losses that occurred as the result of your divorce. It also introduces strategies you can use to begin the process of healing from your separation or divorce.

Week 2: The Road to Healing, Finding Help

There are many books on how to heal from divorce and other emotional tragedies in life, but the best resource to help you heal is the Bible. If you are not familiar with how the Bible can help you with problems like divorce, you are going to find this week’s On My Own section helpful and encouraging.

Remember to spend time each day looking at this material and to say a short prayer asking God to guide you as you read. You’ll find this can become a special and refreshing time for you.

Day 1 — God wants to see me healed

The Bible records how the nation of Israel rebelled against God, how the Israelites suffered because of that rebellion and how God showed compassion and brought restoration to them. God wants to restore you too.

Read Jeremiah 30:17–22. What does God promise in verse 17?

What specific things does God promise to the nation of Israel in verses 18–22?

What do you need to do to receive that kind of healing and restoration? (verses 21–22)

Day 2 — I’m feeling crushed

Contrite means “crushed” and “wanting to turn away from sins and inadequacies.” Are you feeling contrite today? These verses have some good news for you!

Read Isaiah 57:15–16, 18–21. What does God want to do for you? (verses 15, 18)

If receiving God’s comfort and restoration begins with turning away from your sins, are there areas of your life that need addressing?

What is the result of not dealing with these issues? (verses 20–21)

Day 3 — Healing broken hearts

Isaiah was a prophet. In Isaiah 61 he is predicting the life and ministry of Jesus Christ. Later, in the book of Luke, Jesus applies these words to Himself, fulfilling Isaiah’s predictions.

Read Isaiah 61:1–3. List the words in these verses that best describe how you feel now.

Which words describe how you would like to feel?

What is the source of this healing? (verse 1)

Day 4 — Where the healing comes from

In Isaiah 53, Isaiah is describing the death of Jesus on the cross and its potential healing effect on your life.

Read Isaiah 53:5–6. What is the source of your healing? (verse 5)

Why did Jesus die? (verses 5–6)

How does it feel to know that Jesus loves you so much that He died to pay the price for your sins?

Day 5 — The doctor is in

Having a relationship with Jesus Christ is the key to having God’s presence in your life. This is the most important step you can take to begin your personal healing.

Read John 14:6. Who brings you to a relationship with God?

Read John 1:12. What do you need to do to have a relationship with God?

Read Revelation 3:20 (Jesus is speaking). Have you ever opened the door of your heart and invited Jesus to come in?

Would you like to? If so, why not do it now?

For more information on how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, see the Foundation for Healing.

Week 1 - What's Happening To Me?

2011-04-28T07:47:00.002-04:00

This introductory seminar helps answer the question, “Why do I feel the way I do?” You’ll come out of this session with an overview of the DivorceCare program and an appreciation for the benefits of a support group environment.

Week 1: What’s Happening to Me?

All through the Bible you’ll find stories about people who suffered greatly, people who experienced the kind of pain you are feeling. This week you will spend time in the Psalms, a book in the Bible that is a comfort for people who have been hurt.

Day 1 — Security and protection

Psalm 91 talks about the security you enjoy if you have a relationship with God (even in circumstances as traumatic as separation and divorce).

Read Psalm 91. What is the promise in verses 10–11?

How do you receive God’s protection? (verses 14–15)

At what times do you feel the most insecure?

Which verse in Psalm 91 do you find especially reassuring?

Day 2 — Crying out for help

David, the second king of Israel, wrote Psalm 142 during a time of great distress in his life.

Read Psalm 142. What is David asking God to do? (verses 6–7)

What is David’s state of mind in this psalm?

What kind of help would you like from God?

Take a moment right now and ask Him to help you in these areas.

Day 3 — Who will take care of me?

Psalm 112 is a short summary of the effect that a relationship with God can have on your life.

Read Psalm 112. Make a list of the blessings that can come from God.

What is the key to receiving these blessings? (verse 1)

Day 4 — What do I do when I feel afraid?

Psalm 56 describes a time when King David had been captured by enemy troops.

Read Psalm 56. What kinds of things is David experiencing?

What is his response? (verses 3–4, 10–13)

How are you responding to the pressures in your life?

Day 5 — Protection and shelter

Sometimes you may feel as if the world is closing in on you.

Read Psalm 31:9–24. Which of the emotions David describes could apply to divorce?

Which of these emotions are you experiencing?

How does David deal with these emotions? (verses 14–15, 22–24)

New DivorceCare Classes

2011-04-21T20:23:00.003-04:00

The next session starts at 6:15PM on Thursday, April 28, 2011 in room 100 at Triangle Presbyterian Church.

New Group Session

2011-04-04T11:07:00.002-04:00

If you are interested in a new group session following the current session, which ends April 14th, please comment here. We will determine if a new group is viable based on this response.

Thank you!

Personal Budget Worksheet

2011-03-18T07:23:00.002-04:00

Click on the "Personal Budget Worksheet" title link above, which will take you to Google Documents. Select File and Download Original to save this spreadsheet to your computer. Courtesy of Wade Winstead, Wells Fargo Financial Advisor.

Divorce can complicate Social Security claims

2011-03-08T08:49:00.001-05:00

Divorce can complicate Social Security claims

Knowing the rules involving spousal and survivor benefits can prevent costly errors.

Kathy M. Kristof

Personal Finance

March 6, 2011

Consider this:

Roughly half of the people who get married in the United States will end up divorced. And Social Security is the primary source of income for 72% of unmarried retirees, many of whom are single because they're divorced.

Unfortunately, few financial advisors put those two facts together and focus on how divorce, as well as re-marriage, can affect retirement planning, said Rob Kron, head of advisor education initiatives at the New York-based investment firm BlackRock.

"Social Security is the one purchase that everyone in America makes with complete and total ignorance," Kron said. "You get a job and see your paycheck is a little lighter and you haven't any idea what you bought for that."

Although Social Security sends out annual statements that help pre-retirees estimate their future benefits, the statements are largely silent on the topic of divorce, he said.

"Even divorce attorneys are often not aware of how the Social Security benefit works," he said. "People just don't know what they don't know."

In fact, divorced people often make costly errors because they don't understand spousal and survivor benefits, said Leslie Walker, communications director for the Social Security Administration in Richmond, Calif. "The closer you get to retirement age, the more you need to know the rules."

Below is a look at some rules that could apply. If you have specific questions regarding your situation, Kron urged that you take advantage of the Social Security Administration's help line at (800) 772-1213.

"Social Security representatives can be very helpful, but they're reactive," he said. "They're not going to come to you. They'll sit at the other end of the phone until you ask."

The basics

If you were married for at least 10 years to someone who paid into the Social Security system, you are entitled to a spousal benefit, even if you are divorced from that person. Eligibility does not depend on whether or not you also worked and paid into the system.

Spousal benefits, if claimed at your full retirement age, usually amount to 50% of the wage earner's full benefit. If you claim benefits early, the amount you get is reduced.

If you worked for 10 years and paid into the Social Security system, you also may be entitled to benefits on your own work record. In that case you must choose — you cannot claim both your own and spousal benefits. You can, however, claim the one that gives you the most money.

60 is the magic number

If you remarry before age 60, you lose your ability to claim spousal or survivor benefits based on a former spouse, Walker said. If you remarry after age 60, all of your rights to spousal and survivor benefits based on your former spouse's record are retained for your lifetime.

Disaster stories about remarrying too soon are legion, Walker said. For example, one couple, who married when they were both age 58, had based their retirement projections on claiming Social Security spousal benefits based on the records of their former spouses. They found out too late that those benefits would no longer be available to them.

But there was a solution — the couple could divorce. Then, when they reached 60, they could each claim spousal benefits based on the earnings of their former spouses.

And at that point they could re-marry without hurting their spousal benefits.

Multiple spousal benefits

If you are single now but were married to more than one person for more than 10 years each, you may be eligible for spousal benefits based on the earnings records of each of those former spouses.

You don't get to add up all the benefits, of course, but you do get to choose the benefit that's the best. So, if one spouse was an executive with maximum Social Security earnings, the next spouse was a low-wage earner and the third worked in a job that didn't earn Social Security credits, you can claim the benefit from the first spouse, which is likely to amount to the most money.

Survivor benefits are best

But what if spouse No. 2 died before you claimed Social Security benefits? Then you would be entitled to spousal benefits on spouse No. 1 or survivor benefits on spouse No. 2. Because survivor benefits are 100% of the working person's entitlement and spousal benefits are just 50%, the survivor benefits may be more generous, even if spouse No. 2 didn't earn as much. You can claim the one that pays the most.

business@latimes.com

getting started

2011-01-30T16:53:00.002-05:00

Taking the first step is so rewarding yet hard since I have so much guilt and shame for the failure of my marriage. I hope to learn and gain support from those in the group. It seems like it will be a long road

Final Session

2010-06-12T07:46:00.000-04:00

Thursday evening saw the last session of DivorceCare at Triangle Presbyterian, probably until Winter 2011. We are now partnering with Chapel Hill Bible Church, and they will be running a fall session to which we will direct interested parties.

Week of 04/01/2010

2010-03-28T07:29:00.001-04:00

There will be no DivorceCare session on 04/01/2010 due to the Tennebrae Service being held at Triangle Presbyterian Church on this Maundy Thursday. Sessions will continue on 04/08/2010.

Enjoy Holy Week and Happy Easter!

Divorce and separation: a woman's view - Times Online

2010-03-21T08:47:00.000-04:00

Divorce and separation: a woman's view - Times Online

Helping your child feel secure and loved through divorce

2010-03-13T19:56:00.000-05:00

Helping your child feel secure and loved through divorce

Tonight's The Night

2010-03-11T07:47:00.003-05:00

Newest series of 13 weeks starts tonight at 6:15PM, at Triangle Presbyterian Church. You or anyone you know who is suffering from separation or divorce are welcome to attend and join a group who knows what you are going through and will help you heal through the power of Jesus.

Who Will Be There?

2010-03-06T07:48:00.000-05:00

One of the things I've found over the past 6 years of hosting a DivorceCare program is that you never know who's going to show up. We don't require preregistration, so folks can just show up on the night and time and there we are. An interesting note is that people who do contact us before the first session often do not show up for the program (is it something I said?), but we will have some number of people who show up in the first few weeks and we've never heard from them before.

So far for this session, I only have two people who have confirmed that they are coming. Nothing unusual about that. I would guess another 4 to 6 will show up unannounced and we will welcome them. The groups expand and shrink over the 13 weeks, with a core group of folks who are there week after week. These are the people who get the most from the program, and are often repeaters - they return for another 13 week session. They feel the healing and want more of it.

My prayer for this ministry is that God would lead the people who are in need to our door, and then bless us with the the skills and tools to minister to them - keeping ever mindful that the healing comes from Christ, not us. We are simply the tools he uses.

Next DivorceCare Session

2010-02-27T18:40:00.000-05:00

Our next session starts soon - March 11th. That's only 12 days away! If you're interested, please contact the church office at 919-544-2872, or send us an email at DivorceCare@TrianglePC.org.

Tips Can Help Wade Through Finances During Divorce - Family News Story - WMTW Portland

2010-02-24T20:15:00.000-05:00

Tips Can Help Wade Through Finances During Divorce - Family News Story - WMTW Portland

Parenting Tips During a Divorce

2010-02-22T19:52:00.000-05:00

Parenting Tips During a Divorce

Shoe

2010-02-21T21:12:00.000-05:00

Divorce certainly isn't normally funny, but I ran across this Shoe cartoon today, and it made me chuckle. Hope it does the same for you.

University students normally unscathed by parental divorce

2010-02-21T20:32:00.000-05:00

University students normally unscathed by parental divorce

Press Release - Social Networks Increasingly Factors in Divorces

2010-02-21T20:24:00.000-05:00

Press Release - Social Networks Increasingly Factors in Divorces

Next DivorceCare Session

2010-02-20T10:09:00.000-05:00

19 Days until the first of our 13 week session on DivorceCare. If you, or someone you know, is hurting from separation or DivorceCare, this program is the place to be. You'll find how Christ can help you heal your hurt.

Surviving Valentine's Day - From Laura Petherbridge

2010-02-13T07:51:00.000-05:00

Are You Dreading Valentine's Day?

by Laura Petherbridge

When I went through my divorce Valentine’s Day was one of the most dreaded days of the year. I hated it. The endless scenarios of people falling in love or frolicking on sun baked beaches all confirmed that I was a failure. During that season of loss and grief my friends tried to tell me I was a terrific person. But I felt like an ugly, rejected loser who couldn’t keep a husband, and Valentine’s Day was the proof.

Engagement ring commercials inflicted the worst torture. I’d watch the lovers proclaiming a life of endless bliss, pledging eternal love to each other. And the sparkling emerald-cut diamond ring somehow made it all delightfully perfect. My cynical tongue would hiss, “Yeah, someone made that vow to me once too—don’t believe it!”

After several years of helping others during their divorce, and time spent listening to truth instead of the media, I discovered a handful of encouraging ways for single people to cope with the day for “lovers.”

I’m not talking about an unrealistic “just don’t think about it” mentality, or pretending the day doesn’t evoke nostalgia or a longing for someone special. We were created for companionship, that’s a God-given need.

However, my suggestion is an optimistic approach to Valentines Day, instead of focusing on what is lacking. What if our yearnings caused us to look for beneficial ways to heal our wounds rather than tolerate them? When we take positive steps toward mending a broken heart, the result can be a healed life that thrives—whether single or married.

Here are a few practical “Survival Tips” to help a person refrain from an emotional meltdown on Valentine’s Day.

Connection

Don’t hibernate or wait until February 13th to make a plan. Force yourself to be with other people, even if only briefly.
Gather same sex friends and visit a “family focused” restaurant. Avoid ones that cater to couples or have romantic overtones.
Look into a church or community support group. They often have fun activities planned..
Non-custodial parents: Bring your child a valentine or small, inexpensive gift that communicates your love.

Creativity

Think of new, fun things to do this year such as: making handmade heart-shaped decorations, pizza, cakes or cookies.
Try something completely different. Go roller-skating, skiing, hiking, bowling, climb a mountain or a walk through a museum.
Immerse your family in assembling a model airplane, a Lego adventure, or a jigsaw puzzle.
Have a potluck supper with each person bringing a favorite chocolate treat.

Care

Help your child make a valentine for your ex-spouse or former in-laws. This communicates your permission for the child to love the other family, which greatly reduces his or her fear and tension.
Splurge on a cappuccino or box of Godiva chocolates—for yourself!
Notice a married same-sex friend who may need encouragement or a hug. While others are receiving cards, gifts, and flowers, Valentine’s Day may be a reminder of a spouse who is thoughtless, cruel or unloving.
Take a small gift to someone who is lonely or hurting such as: an exchange student, a widow or widower, an unmarried pregnant girl, someone out of work, an elderly neighbor, or a handicapped/ homebound person.

Considerate

Invite friends over for dinner and use the good linens and china.
Ladies: Indulge yourself to cozy bed linens, a new nightgown, a massage or pedicure.
Guys: Treat yourself to a ballgame, model train exhibit or car show.
Send a valentine or flowers to someone who has comforted and loved you. This day isn’t solely for romantic love.

Calm

Try a new pillow or neck exercises. They work wonders for tension.
Make yourself a warm, comforting drink of hot cocoa or chai tea.
Get enough sunshine. Winter’s shorter daylight hours can produce depression.
Exercise produces natural stress reducers, and it’s a great way to meet new people. Many gyms have childcare available.
Calligraphy your favorite Bible verse (Suggestions: Deuteronomy 31:6, Philippians 4:6-8, 1 Peter 5:7) or try your hand at drawing or sculpting.

Caution

Refrain from anesthetizing loneliness with drugs or alcohol. These chemicals can induce despair which often leads to a greater sense of isolation.
Shun the temptation to frequent bars or use sex as a way to ease the pain. This decision often leads to disastrous long-term consequences.
Avoid photographs, memorabilia, fragrances, restaurants or atmospheres which trigger nostalgic memories of “what used to be.”
Steer clear of movies that focus on weddings, people falling in love, adultery, or emotionally wounded children. Instead choose films with a lighthearted, fun plot.

And the last, but not least suggestion: Look to the true “Lover of your Soul” Jesus, for comfort. He alone is the one who knows all of your pain, needs and desires. And He promises that He loves you with an everlasting love that will not change or fade. (Jeremiah 31:3, Isaiah 55). He longs to lavish you with love, his passionate heart burns for you. (I John 3:1, Zephaniah 3:17).

I pray these suggestions help to make Valentine's Day brighter. After all, any day with chocolate as the focus is something to smile about!

Intersession

2009-12-21T10:06:00.003-05:00

DivorceCare at Triangle Presbyterian Church is currently intersession. We plan on starting a new group around March 11th. Stay tuned for further details or check at the DivorceCare website for other churches that may be holding a session sooner.

5 Behaviors of Manipulative People

2009-12-14T19:03:00.001-05:00

Many of us like to think the best of people. We like to think that they shoot straight and are forthright in their intentions. We also like to believe that they will ask for what they want and not resort to crazy tactics to get it. Unfortunately, however, there are times when we come across those who will do whatever it takes to get what they want…including manipulation. Beingmanipulated never feels good, but the worst part of manipulation is that often, we don’t even realize that it is happening. Here are a few ways to know if someone is trying to manipulate you:

Buttering You Up: To get their way, manipulators will often make you feel good so that they can then ask you to do something that they want. The person may first compliment you or tell you what a wonderful job you did on something. Making you feel good will, in their mind, make it difficult for you to say no…after all, you wouldn’t want to disappoint them or give them reason to think you didn’t deserve the compliment in the first place. What you can do: Return the compliments and the niceties before saying no.
Guilt: This doesn’t only pertain to Catholics and Jewish Mothers; guilt trips have been a successful manipulation tactic for centuries. The saddest part of this strategy is that the victims of this tactic succumb to the manipulators’ demands because they feel they HAVE to, not because they WANT to. In personal relationships, this sets up a co-dependency that is extremely unhealthy. What you can do: Ask the individual if they want you to do something because you have to or because you want to. If they say they want you to want to do it, tell them that you don’t and that they are trying to force you into something you don’t feel comfortable with.
Broken Record: Probably the most obvious of formats is the broken record tactic. If a person asks you enough or pushes their agenda enough…constantly repeating the question or request over and over again…in slightly different ways, the victim will inevitably give in and give them what they want. Oye! What you can do:Ask the individual what they don’t understand about the word “no.” Tell them that asking you over and over again isn’t going to change anything and that they are inappropriately over-stepping boundaries.
Selective Memory: This one gets me the most. You swear you have a conversation about a plan and everyone is on the same page, and then one day, the manipulator pretends to remember the conversation completely differently, if at all. What you can do: Record your conversations…seriously! Okay, maybe not. At least have a witness that you can count on to back you up if the person pulls this shenanigan. Call them out on the fact that they conveniently change the game to fit their needs.
Bullying: If a person doesn’t get their way, they make you out to look or feel like the bad guy…like you are the wrong one. What you can do: Be firm and tell them that their bullying tactics are inappropriate and unacceptable.

Keep your eyes open for these behaviors and continue to stand your ground to ensure that you aren’t a victim of manipulation. Have you seen any other types of manipulative behavior?

Handling The Holidays

2009-11-01T22:55:00.002-05:00

Holidays are always tough for newly separated or divorced individuals. Each year we try to ensure that we have a group running during the Thanksgiving, leading up to Christmas time frame. With that in mind, I'm posting here a list of tips provided by Laura Petherbridge, noted author and speaker. You can find out more about Laura at her website: www.LauraPetherbridge.com.

Handling the Holidays

By Laura Petherbridge

PRACTICAL STEPS:

PREPARE. The ambush of emotions can attack at any time, prepare beforehand. Review the calendar and pinpoint the days or events that could trigger melancholy.
ACCEPT the difficulty of this time of year and your loss. Remind yourself that it’s a season and it will pass. Next year will be easier.
DISCERN when the loss of the spouse will be most evident. For example: their vacant spot at the dinner table, a traditional Christmas morning breakfast, or a favorite song. Don’t wait or deny the feelings.
SOCIALIZE Don’t hibernate. For Christmas Eve and Christmas Day have a plan. Do not wait until the day before to decide. Insecure feelings may attack and tempt you to isolate yourself, force yourself to go anyway even if it’s only for a short time.
LOWER your expectations. Movies and songs paint a very unrealistic picture of the family at Christmas. Your family probably doesn’t resemble a Norman Rockwell painting but then neither does mine.
UNDERSTAND that those who have not experienced loss yet will not comprehend your grief. Friends and family may push a “just get over it” attitude thinking it’s helpful. They do not realize that you are mourning the death of your dreams and marriage.
DELEGATE Do not over commit. A frenzied mood will increase your stress. It’s all right to say no! Repeat after me, “I’m sorry but I’m not able to do that this year.”
DON’T ANESTHETIZE the pain with drugs or alcohol. Numbing emotional distress with chemicals creates more depression and leads to a greater sense of isolation. Divorce can formulate a vulnerable atmosphere and these chemicals make it worse.
MONEY. Put a holiday budget on paper. Evaluate how much money is available for gifts and then do not emotionally overspend. If this is an area of weakness for you or guilt is motivating your purchases then use cash instead of credit cards. Therefore when the dough is gone, it’s over!!
GUILT can induce overspending. Your kids don’t need presents they need a stable parent.
MEMORIES Let go of the memories and traditions you shared together. Don’t pull out old pictures. Dwelling on past holidays can fuel despair.
TRIMMING If old ornaments or trimmings cause too much pain don’t hang them this year. Put them aside for another time.
ASK friends to help with the tree and other items if you need it. They might not think of it on their own.
GET UP AND MOVE Take care of your physical well-being. During a divorce many people either stop eating or they over indulge. Healthy foods will give you strength; fattening and sugar filled foods can worsen your depression. In addition exercise produces natural stress reducers.
FANCY OCCASIONS can cause tremendous stress from what to wear to attending alone when others are in couples. Ask if you can bring a friend if that helps. And plan your outfit ahead of time. Borrow a dress if you have to or visit a consignment store.
SHOP online if going to the mall is too stressful.
TELL family members of the practical items that you really need this year. Don’t assume they will automatically know.

Lpether@bellsouth.net www.Laurapetherbridge.com

DEPRESSION is normal. If you are in a deep depression, and thoughts of suicide are intense seek help immediately. Do not minimize the effect holidays can have on your mental state.
COPING STRATEGY Have the phone number of your counselor, pastor, church, close friend or hotline already taped to your phone. Make the commitment to call someone when those thoughts get fierce. Have a coping strategy prepared. Review who to call, or a place to go if the stress or pain gets too severe. Ask for help!
LIGHT. Get some sunshine. Winter can take its toll on our emotions by the loss of sun we experience. If you work in an atmosphere with few windows make sure to take a walk on your lunch or break.

POSITIVE STEPS:

WRITE an “I’m Thankful” list. Right now it may seem difficult to find anything to be thankful for, but begin with things that we take for granted such as health, family, job, car, friends, etc.
INVITE a new same sex friend to see a movie, have dinner, or help decorate the house.
CREATE new traditions. Investigate unique ways to make the season meaningful. This could include a slumber party, hand made decorations or gifts, a musical or theatrical event, visiting a nursing home, or any act of charity. Videotape grandma or grandpa telling stories of their youth.
REVIEW the visitation schedule with your ex-spouse and the children at least one week in advance. This will alleviate any surprises and helps relieve any fears the children may be experiencing.
ALLOW your children to grieve. Their whole world has changed and the holidays are heartbreaking for them too. Don’t ignore their pain or buy gifts to ease the anguish. Kids translate love into one word T-I-M-E. They need you to listen.
RELIEVE TENSION by communicating with your family members who may be grieving the loss of the kids or traditions. Divorce has rocked their world too.

SET BOUNDARIES. Clearly and precisely explain to your family and friends what you are capable of doing this year, and what you aren’t. Don’t let others guilt you into taking on more than you can handle. Say NO!!
HELP the children buy a small, inexpensive gift for your ex spouse and ex in-laws. This communicates your permission for them to love the other family and eases the tension in their minds. I know… it’s a hard one.
REACH OTHERS by discovering people that might be alone during the holidays. Suggestions: an exchange student, someone who’s estranged from family, those who live away from family, a elderly person, a single parent, homeless shelters.
CONNECT with a support group. Many times they have fun activities planned for the holidays. www.divorcecare.org
BE CREATIVE. Do something completely different this year. Visit a friend, take a cruise, go to the mountains or the beach, go skiing or hiking. The list is endless.
TREAT YOURSELF to cozy bed linens in a magnificent color or a luxurious bath. A new pillow can work wonders for neck tension.
CALL an old same sex friend. Sometimes it helps to rekindle the relationships that faded during our marriage.
Stress Fighting Tips: a walk on a still winter night, stroll through a greenhouse or flower shop, a massage, brush your hair, a soothing vanilla candle, a cozy cotton nightgown (Karen Neuburger is my personal favorite), neck exercises, a manicure or pedicure, a warm drink such as herb tea, a funny book, show or movie (ex: the Johnny Carson collection), stretching, draw or sculpture, get out the hammer and build something, finish the basement, faux paint, pull out an old train set, read words of hope.
Sit near a nativity scene and ponder the life of each figure. Put yourself into the sandals of a person present that night. Can you hear Mary’s cry of labor as she delivers? Do you observe the sweat on Joseph’s brow as he helps her? Might you squint in beholding the brilliance of the star? Then lift the Holy Child out of the manger and recognize the Lover of Your Soul. Look at him really look at him. He alone teaches how to embrace the truth of Christmas. He was born to earth for one reason…to die. He came to sacrifice himself for one reason…YOU. He left heaven because YOU were worth it. His love for YOU is that intense, that passionate, and that perfect. Drink it in my friend; this is where peace for your weary soul is found.

Gold represents that He is a King, the Frankincense represents He is God. But the Myrrh tells His purpose. He left heaven for me…and you. That’s how much he loves us. One Reason: You are worth saving. You are the Beloved. You are worth the price He had to pay to adopt you. You have value.

Charles Spurgeon he writes in Morning and Evening,”If I can bring Him nothing but my tears, He will put them with His own tears in His own bottle for He once wept; if I can bring Him nothing but my groans and sighs, He will accept these as an acceptable sacrifice, for He once was broken in heart, and sighed heavily in spirit. I myself, standing in Him am accepted in the Beloved...He is content and I am blessed.”

Tears and sighs, if surrendered to Him, are precious gifts at the foot of the cross. And they are as magnificent and majestic as the Magi’s gifts 2,000 years ago. Oh! What a Beautiful Baby!

His adorable toes. Can you imagine being Mary and kissing those chubby pink feet? And then 33 years later seeing them bruised, battered and bleeding with a spike threw them.

The blood is because you were worth it...Because that’s how far love reaches when it’s pure and undefiled. Because God’s arm and feet are never too far away from those who call to Him.

Share and pour this Love…this unique, relentless, zealous love of Jesus…over their wounded hearts and they will find peace. Heavenly peace.

Lpether@bellsouth.ne t www.Laurapetherbridge.com

New Series - In One Week

2009-09-10T21:34:00.001-04:00

A new series of DivorceCare will be starting one week from today - September 17th. Feel free to join us if you are divorced or separated and in need of the support of a DivorceCare group. Send us an email at DivorceCare@TrianglePC.org to let us know you'll be coming. As usual, DC4K (DivorceCare for Kids) will be running concurrently.

New Series Starting Soon

2009-08-15T20:13:00.002-04:00

A new 13 week series of DivorceCare will start on September 17 at Triangle Presbyterian Church. The program will run on Thursday evenings, with the sessions beginning at 6:15PM and running until 7:45PM. As usual, the adult program will run concurrent with the DivorceCare for Kids (DC4K) program. We offer a kid friendly meal at 5:45PM. The cost of the meal is $3.00 for adults, $2.00 for children, with a family cap of $5.00. Email me at DivorceCare@TrianglePC.org for more information.

DC4K Promo

2009-08-07T21:23:00.000-04:00